Anxiety is often the
cause of premature ejaculation. In an
extramarital relationship a man may ejaculate as
soon as he penetrates his partner's vagina,
despite the fact that he does not have this
problem with his wife. This is a sign of guilt. A
man may also ejaculate before he wishes to if he
feels frightened that his technique is not good
enough, and ejaculating quickly will prevent him
from having to reveal his lack of experience.
Believing that sex is bad
because of what you were told as a child is
another possible cause of premature ejaculation.
If as a boy, you were punished for masturbating,
you may have taught yourself to come quickly to
lessen the chance of being found out and to
minimize the guilt you felt at your own pleasure.
Fear of getting too close
to another person may also be a contributing
factor. Intimacy always brings with it the risk of
loss, and the unbearable pain attendant on that
loss. Subconsciously, a man who gets sex over
with quickly may be trying to protect himself from
close emotional involvement.
Several techniques can
help men last longer, and these should be
used in conjunction with examining the cause of
the problem. Understanding what is wrong often
brings its own release.
The stop-start technique
for delaying ejaculation
The aim of these
exercises is to learn to keep yourself
below the point at which ejaculation seems
inevitable for as long as possible. Men who do
not have a partner can practice the first three
steps. In them selves, they will help you gain a
greater measure of control. For the final four
steps you will need the co-operation of a partner.
* Step one Masturbate with a dry
hand. Avoid fantasizing, and concentrate instead
on the sensation in your penis. Allow the
pleasure to build up but stop immediately you feel
you are about to lose control. Relax for a while,
still keeping your mind free of fantasies, until the
danger of ejaculation has passed, then begin
again. Following the same pattern, aim to
continue stopping and starting for 15 minutes
without orgasm. You may not be able to manage
it at first, but keep trying. As you get more
practiced, you will probably find you have to stop
less often. When you have completed three
15-minute sessions on three consecutive
occasions (not necessarily one immediately after
the other!), proceed to step two.
* Step two involves masturbating with a
lubricating jelly to heighten sensation, and make
delay more difficult. Follow the technique in step
one until you have completed three separate
consecutive sessions as above.
* Step three You will now have gained a
good measure of control. The next step involves
masturbating with a dry hand for 15 minutes
before ejaculation. Keep focusing on your penis
rather than fantasizing. When you feel yourself
getting dangerously excited, don't stop, but
instead, change rhythm or alter your strokes in
such a way that the pressure to ejaculate fades.
Experiment to see which strokes excite you most,
and which allow you most control. Work on this
step until you have completed three consecutive
sessions as before.
* Step four Now involve your partner. Lie
on your back and get her to masturbate you with
a dry hand, as in step one. Concentrate on the
sensations in your penis and ask her to stop
every time you get too aroused before the 15
minutes is up. The aim is to last for three
consecutive 15-minute sessions.
* Step five Repeat step four, but ask your
partner to use a lubricant while she masturbates
you. You will find ejaculation much more difficult
to control, and you may have to ask her to stop
more often. Once you have mastered three
consecutive 15-minute sessions, you are ready to
try the stop-start technique with intercourse.
* Step Six The best position for delaying
ejaculation is with the woman on top. Once you
are inside her, ask her to move gently. Put your
hands on her hips so that you can let her know
with your hands when you want her to stop, and
when you are ready for her to start again. Again,
aim to last for 15 minutes, but if you can't, don't
worry; you can start again once you recover your
erection, and the second time you will probably
have more control. During intercourse,
concentrate entirely on yourself. Give your
partner your full concentration and bring her to
orgasm either before or afterwards, with oral or
manual stimulation.
* Step seven Move on to other positions.
It is more difficult to delay -ejaculation with the
man on top, so save this until last.
The squeeze technique for
delaying ejaculation
The 'squeeze' action is designed to
cause your erection to subside, and it can be
applied every time you get too close to
ejaculation. Your partner performs the squeeze
by gripping your penis firmly, and pressing with
her thumb on the frenulum. This is the place on
the underside of the penis where the head joins
the shaft. At the same time, she presses on the
opposite side of the penis with her forefinger, and
with her other fingers curled round the shaft. It
is important that she presses fairly hard on theToo light a touch could cause you to ejaculate
straight away.
* Step one Get your partner to masturbate you
with a dry hand. Any time you get too close to
ejaculation, signal to her to stop and squeeze
your penis. As with the stop-start technique, aim
to last for three consecutive 15minute sessions
before moving on to step two.
* Step two get your partner to masturbate you
slowly and gently as before, but this time ask her
to use a lubricant. Follow the procedure for step
one.
* Step three now you are ready for intercourse,
but not for thrusting. Instead, lie on your back and
ask your partner to sit on top of you, with your
penis inside her. Neither of you should move. As
soon as you feel the urge to come, your partner
should rise off you (this movement is dangerous
as it applies stimulation), and immediately hold
your penis in the squeeze grip. Repeat the
exercise a couple of times before you allow
yourself to ejaculate.
* Step four When you feel more confident about
your self-control, ask your partner to move gently
while she sits on top of you in the same position.
When you feel the urge to ejaculate, she should
move off you and squeeze as before, until you
can last 15 minutes without ejaculating.
* Step five you are now ready to try other
positions, but remember that with the man on top,
you will have least control. As with the stop-start
technique, during intercourse you should focus all
attention on yourself. Your partner will not feel
neglected if you bring her to orgasm orally or
manually either before or after intercourse
penis and doesn't move her hand while doing so.
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